So, I haven't written about my day in a long time. But, I plan to do this entry a little differetly. I am going to talk about a bunch of random things, situations, and crises as of late. lol!
Okay so some interesting websites!! www.mlia.com This site is kind of like one of my more interestingly favorite sites called FML.com. My life is average is an interesting site and I just laughed. If you are ever feeling down though, I'd suggest the fml.com because there are some crazy stories on that particular site.
So, I recently moved back home for a few months out of necessity. I am hoping I can be back out on my own here soon and I plan to move back to Everett too because I have become so fond of that city. I am and always have been a city girl.. So, living in the country is just not okay with me unless it is temporary. This is such a major adjustment to have to go from being by myself to living with family again. It is frustrating and sometimes feels like I am losing my mind. Of course I will live though!!
I have come to the conclusion, and this is a simple one I should have known by now, that I can't make someone love me. I can't make some stay with me or care about me and want to spend their life with me. It's his loss not mine if he can't handle the love and companionship of an awesome woman!! I pride myself on being a compassionately, full of love, take charge, type of person. I am glad that I have had the experiences I have had. As hard as they have been on me emotionally, I have learned so much from them at the same time.
I don't like to talk about all my medical problems because people generally start to think that I am complaining which is not always the case. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder AKA Manic Depressive. I also suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am not ashamed over things I can't change and I want to speak out against the need for others to make people with mental illness feel that they are freaks or that they are weak because of something that is out of their control. Right now I don't have my medication which I desperately need in order to function. I wouldn't wish not having meds on anyone! It's so hard to cope and to get through the day when you are having flashbacks and constant panic attacks. No fun!
I am strong! I can deal with a lot and I have in my lifetime. For those of you that know me more personally, you know what I am referring to. It's hard but I am strong and will continue to get through it by the grace of God and by sheer will!
I just want people to be aware that just because you suffer from a disorder, it doesn't make you less of a person. It simply means that you have more to deal with! It's my humble prayer that other people start to empathize and be more compassionate and Christlike.
Remember to love one another as He has loved you! This is an important concept to learn. Hope everyone recognizes their blessings along with their trials!!
Happy WEEKEND all!
~Michelle~
3 comments:
Michell-E... you know I love you so I don't want you to be offended by what I'm going to type.... you got to let the love thing relax for a bit. Focus on school, on getting a new place, on enjoying your life and the love will come.
I know it's "easy for me to say" because I have Jacob and Kira and my life looks like what you have dreamed about but let me let you in on a little secret... Life is 1000 times more difficult being married and a mom than it is being single... is it worth it? Yes, 1,000,000% but what I have realized after a year and a half of post-partem and almost damaging my marriage is that life is hard. But the purpose of life is to be happy in what you are doing. I have this quote hanging up in my bathroom so I can read it everyday while I'm getting ready to do whatever it is I'm doing that day. It's by one of my FAVORITE people in the whole world Marjorie Hinkley (we can talk on her another time... but reading her books have made me realize that no on is perfect, not even the prophet's wife)
This is her quote
"Think about your particular assignment at this time in your life. It may be to get an education, it may be to rear children, it may be to be a grandparent, it may be to care for and relieve the suffering of someone you love, it may be to do a job in the most excellent way possible, it may be to support someone who had a difficult assignment of their own. Our assignments are varied and they change from time to time. Don't take them lightly. Give them your full heart and energy. Do them with enthusiasm. Do whatever you have to do this week with your whole heard and soul. To do less than this will leaved you with an empty feeling"
If you are looking for some more inspirational reading get Mary Ellen Edmunds books. She is terrific and often helps me in the same way.
Remember that you are doing what the Lord wants you to do in this part of your life. You have accomplished way more than a lot of people. You are doing good and working hard to do good. When you focus on things outside of your self the other things fall into place. I don't know how or why but they do.
Again, I hope I'm not upsetting you by telling you this... I just feel inspired to. And speaking of inspiration, you inspire me too. You are rockin' it at school! Keep it going!
I love you and remember that the Lord loves you too!
Thank you, Tennille! That quote was great for me too. I'm struggling to define who I am since life doesn't always go as planned.
Michelle - great words of wisdom about mental disorders. I sincerely hope you can get back on meds soon, not because I think you're nuts, but because it's hard to cope without coping devices. Love ya!
Thanks to both of you! I am really happy you said what you did Tennille. Iknow I shouldn't focus on love so much but when you're in love with someone and they don't know what they want, it becomes so extremely hard. But, with that said. I understand that I am not the only one suffering and that it is hard to be a wife and mother. Two jobs I desperately want to have and it's like I am constantly battling my Bipolar depression when things don't go right. So, thanks again and hold your heads high. You both are wonderful women, wonderful wives and Moms/Soon to be Moms.
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