The month of March has brought me the saddest days of my life thus far! Above is a picture of me and Robert at his parent's house in Gibsonville, NC. We were supposed to be together for the long haul. I guess that God has a way of teasing me with regards to getting my eternal companion. I am tired of the joke being on me! I need some solace at this point. Brian, who is an ex as well, has actually been there for me through all this and to him I am truly grateful! It is people like Brian that deserve all the happiness that life has to offer. This whole experience has made me believe that Mormon guys are not for me! I can't ever find one that will stick around for the long haul as I do not fit into the category of a law abiding citizen with some of the church's standards at this point. But, I am striving to reach these things constantly. I want to be able to go to the temple and get married there, I would love to have babies and a career. I feel like there is a huge weight on me right now and that there is not any sense of relief or sign of escape. It really hurts me tremendously to know that I have had yet another unsuccessful relationship! I am just so tired of dealing with this that I am done with love. I can't help but feel like I don't deserve it for whatever the reason may be!
Thanks for listening guys!
P.S. On a lighter note, I signed up for my last three classes of my Bachelor's Degree and I graduate on June 5, 2010 here in Kent, WA. I am very excited that my day to walk across that podium has finally come! With a lot of sweat, tears, hard work and support from friends and family, the day has come!
~Michelle~
5 comments:
Life just isn't easy. Remember Proverbs 3:5-6. I'm way excited for you to graduate!!!! I don't think I could have made it through a 4-year degree, especially with all the challenges you've had along the way. I stand in awe of you.
Aww, you make me want to cry. Thanks so much!! It's been a long, long road. It took me nearly ten years on and off to get a four year degree!!
Way to go on working getting your degree! I'm still working on mine too. Don't give up on temple marriage! I know it's not easy. I didn't go on my first DATE until I was in my 20s let alone have a boyfriend! Once you two fall madly in love (whoever he is) you will be so happy and so much more committed to each other because you'll know it's forever. Don't forget, you DESERVE it! :)
Michelle! Stand firm in the faith! Keep moving forward! Remember that you are on the Lord's timetable, and He is not on yours. The more you learn to trust Him, the happier you will be.
Thanks guys! I appreciate your kind words! I just get so caught up in my age and how I am still alone rather than the life lessons I should be learning!
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